- You bring in Jim Varney (The ‘Hey Vern!’ guy) as a quality consultant
- The first words out of your boss’s mouth are : “Back when I was in the mob. . .”
- Your manager arranges for a series of project management classes given by a talking horse
- All of your projects exactly fit the needs of the marketplace — as it existed in 1970.
- Nobody in the group wants to volunteer to help build low-cost housing for the poor, but 8 out of the 10 members DO want to build a armed compound eight miles from town.
- For a group outing, members want to take rifles and go to the top of a nearby tall building….
- You move your team meetings to the local psychiatric hospital because six out of the nine members have rooms there anyhow.
- Your new co-worker turns to you and says, “Hi. I am the almighty Lucifer. I’ve come to claim your immortal soul. What’s your name?”
- Pants are optional on Tuesdays
- You’re so tired, that you now answer the phone, “Hell.”
- Your group’s motto: “No Requirements? No Problem!”
- You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don’t care.
- Your ethics officer has all of his parole violations framed and hung in his/her cubicle
- You’ve got so much on your mind, you’ve forgotten how to pee.
- You sleep more at work than at home.
- You leave for a party and instinctively bring your project binders.
- Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
- You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
- Your manager claims that communication stifles individual creativity
- Your PC has an Etch-a-Sketch logo in the bottom right corner
- You find yourself drinking more coffee because the trips to the bathroom are the only “Quality time” that you get.
- Dr. Kevorkian is hired as your new team-building consultant
- “Ad Hoc” is a step up from your current processes
- Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String, pliers and 2 aspirin).
- When you speak to your manager, you notice that his ears appear to be painted on.
- You find yourself writing down the phone number from those “Rewarding Career in trucking” commercials
- All project plans are written in crayon
- The Quality Policy Manual refers to your ISO-9000 Kwality System
- Job application requires name, address, and MasterCard number
- Your project is six months behind schedule two weeks after the kickoff meeting.
- On the first day you’re given a can of tear gas and a bullet-proof vest
- The wall full of diplomas in your manager’s office are all signed by Sally Struthers.
- All projects use the current decade as a Phase number
- Users beg you to restore the old manual processes
- You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.
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